A Clean Bill

So I went to the doctor yesterday, and they said I only have 27 seconds to live. No, no, with a title like "Clean Bill" what did you expect? They said I only had 27 seconds to GET THE HECK OUT OF THE OFFICE! I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE STILL NOT WEARING PANTS!!!

Seriously, yesterday I again went up to Salt Lake to the Huntsman Cancer Hospital and met with Dr.'s Webber and Randall. Dr. Webber (from what I've gathered, the surgeon who operated on me) told me everything looks like it's healing great, and I can now walk without crutches, and can use 100% of my weight on my leg. Dr. Randall (from what I gathered, the Attending Physician who watched/supervised Dr. Webber operate on me) concurred. I should have concurred.

Good news: Well, that's obvious, isn't it?
Bad news: I'll actually miss my physical therapist, as now our insurance won't pay for him to come over and help. If any of you need a great physical therapist for whatever reason, let me know and I'll send you his information. I've had a lot of them, and Brad's the only one I never hated.
Also Bad News: While the doctors SAY I can walk 100% on it, I still can't. It still hurts a lot and is too weak, though I limp well on it, I want it to be all better already! But, better still than I could have hoped. I just had to find the negative in there, didn't I?

Still, it's better than what some people expected, I won't say who, but some of you who are concerned about my health (weirdos) thought that my using only 1 crutch lately or limping without it has caused more problems. Glad that that isn't the case, I of course know that you're looking out for me and want me around for a long long time, and I assure you I have every intention to be around for a long long time.

Plus it snowed yesterday. What's up with that? Weather, didn't you see my picture of Dane Cook??

More Meandering

This will be another post where I don't have much to say, but will end up saying quite a lot.

Big news to us is that Morgan is walking! Crawling is still his primary form of locomotion, but he's walking farther and steadier every day. It's so exciting and one of the purest joys in the world to see your little one learn new things. Plus he's so cute.
We haven't cut his hair yet, so he's getting a bit of a mullet, but I think he can pull it off. We plan to remove it before his first birthday (which is in ONE month!!!) and make him a bit more presentable. I'm just nervous to give him a haircut, since he wiggles and squirms so much when we try cleaning his ears or face. And that's with a Q-tip or a towel, not 2 daggers connected by a pivot. (scissors)
I love my little Moby so much and I have to say that the best part of me getting my knee and hip replaced has been the time I've gotten to spend with him and Tracie. (and NOT the pain, as some of you might think).

I'm still (sort of) working on submitting my writing to different literary journals and things. It's daunting and takes a lot of time, all I've done so far is crossed off which ones would be unlikely to accept my submissions and circled ones to submit to. There are still hundreds. I think what I'll end up doing is just choose like 5 at a time, and go from there. 5 a week is still better than none a week, which has been my average number of stories and poems submitted for nearly three decades.
Sigh.

Summer term of school starts in July, I'm making up one of the classes I missed, Digital Prepress (from the same teacher, I'm hoping/praying he'll let me turn in the same assignments from before) and... Creative Writing! Yipee! Not that I haven't written creatively for awhile, far from it, but I haven't been graded for writing in ages. I'm very good at being judged.

I feel so blessed to have a job I enjoy, and that's so fun to do. I'm learning a lot about what I do and why I do it. For example, for all you tech nerds out there who read my blog (Ammon), I now know WHY I'm running an nmap scan, or what all the commands mean when I type $ openssl s_client -host -port, -PN, sudo, nasl, >>, TRACE, TRACK, HEAD, grep and a whole bunch of other fun stuff. The only downside (if a downside you would call it) is it's just another fun thing to learn that I want to improve, and I already have a lot of my time filled with wife, baby, home, writing, submitting said writing, preparing for school, doctor, physical therapy, television, friends, and video games. Now I have to add learning about programming and networking too. I'VE GOT VIDEO GAMES TO PLAY, PEOPLE!

In sad news, our good friends Jacob and Wendy are moving to Hawaii. (Sad for us. Hawaii for them.) We'll miss them very much, and hope to keep in contact via Facebook and blogs and Skype and other things. All good ways to keep in touch, but still second fiddle to actual face to face interaction. We'll also miss watching their little (adorable, of course) boy Holden Ikaika (I apologize for spelling, if necessary) grow up. We've tried to hang out with them as much as possible, though for some reason, their families are taking them away from us for the rest of the time before they leave. But, I'm glad we had them as local friends while we did, especially since when I first met them I did NOT care for them at all. (And I'm sure it was mutual. :)) But, we wish you luck and all we have to wish you with as you move to the dismal wasteland called Oahu.

Though, that means we may have to visit them sometime, if for no other reason than to cheer them up.

I've decided to read the Old Testament, as it's the only Testament I haven't fully read (I've read the New and the Another) I've even read the book of Mormon from Moroni 10 to Nephi 1, just so I could say I know this book forwards and backwards. But I haven't read the Old Testament. Though I know the stories, I haven't heard them all from the authors, and I'd like to, instead of just Genesis, Exodus, Daniel and Job. I want the boring ones too. Just kidding! They're not boring! Get that storm cloud out of here! (I better be careful what I say. I'm a walking lightning rod, aren't I?)

Speaking of walking, Monday I'm going to the doctor again to get x-rays and wait for 3 hours to talk to the surgeon and his entourage for 3 seconds, hopefully in that 3 seconds they'll tell me I can put more weight on the leg and maybe start using a cane again(!)

... I never thought the day would come where I blog about being excited to use a cane.

O well.

And those are my own meandering thoughts for May 21.

For Sad Children

Seriously, Not Funny

Will it EVER get warm? It's the middle of May and it's freezing raining cold! Give me some spring, something, please!!! Enough is enough, my son is 11 months, and doesn't know what the sun is! Seriously, enough with the cold, or I'm moving to the Equator.

Also, Dane Cook sucks.

Picdump #983

My leg and me

I'm starting to get really sick about random people asking me about my crutches. It's not that I'm embarrassed, but it's annoying because it's getting so repetitive. I feel like they expect me to say some simple story like "I fell while skiing," but it's not a simple story. It's a story 12 years in the making. And it's a little disrespectful to me and my pain to just say "hip replacement."

Not that that's much better anyhow. When I say "hip replacement" they want to know why. Here's a typical conversation I've had to have with strangers since my surgery, which is just a variant of the conversation I've had for 12 years.

Stranger: Why the crutches?
Me: I had a hip and knee replacement.
Stranger: Oh, my. Why is that?
Me: I had cancer 12 years ago and they had to replace the past metal leg. The metal knee and femur broke the hip so they had to replace it too. (Not entirely accurate, but I know I'm involved in this conversation, and so are they. I don't want to spend the time explaining the shape of the prosthesis and how it broke.)
Stranger: Oh, I'm sorry. And the cancer is all gone?
Me: yes, the cancer is all gone now.
Stranger: Well that's good.
Me: Yes. Thank you. Now have a nice life, I have to get back to buying yogurt now.

I'm not sure why it bothers me so, but since you're nice enough to read my blog, here are some of my theories.

Theory the First: It bothers me because it's a bit of an invasion on my privacy and time. When out to dinner with Tracie I wanted to blurt at our waiter something like "I know you're trying to make conversation and that you're a very nice person, but I'd like to spend a day where nobody calls attention to the fact that I'm handicapped. Is that too much to ask?" But I didn't, because then I'd probably have to tip him really well, and he didn't deserve it.

Theory the Second: After over 12 years, I'm just sick of talking about it. Not to friends and family, but to people in passing and strangers. (Please don't think I'm saying to any of you that I don't want to talk about it. It doesn't bother me at all talking about it with people I know. It's the introducing it to the strangers making conversation that I'm just tired of.)

Theory the Three: I'm afraid that my story inconveniences them, that they're just looking for an anecdote and they get cancer. (The story, not the disease. If only ;) ) Then they often apologize, which is just ridiculous.

Me: I had cancer 12 years ago.
Stranger: I'm sorry.
Hypothetical Me 1: Finally! I've waited years for you to apologize, now I can finally move on with my post-cancer life! Thank you.
Hypothetical Me 2: You're sorry? Why should you be sorry? That's just silly. Did you infect me with cancer? Did you know that when asking a mostly healthy looking guy on crutches that he'd say he's a cancer survivor and has a metal hip/femur/knee? Don't apologize, it belittles me and cheapens you.
Hypothetical Me 3: I forgive you. Let's hug while the music plays. In my head it goes like this: "badda ba da ba, baaa. badda ba da, ba, ba, baaaaa."
Real Me: Hey, it could be worse.
Real Me 2: It's ok.
Real Me 3: I'm a real boy!

I feel guilty that I'm upset about it, but I wish strangers would leave me alone about it.

Of course, Hypothetical and Real me wouldn't be complete without Hypocritical Me. (which some may say IS real me, but I digress.)

I ran into an old friend from a past job at the grocery store. I was on crutches (conspicuously so) and everything, and he didn't ask about them. However, I also asked about his new job, he didn't ask about mine. True, he wasn't the most talkative person in the world when I knew him, but it still kind of upset me that he didn't ask about the crutches, or my health. I know, I'm a hypocrite. I don't expect you to understand, just to listen.

So, to sum up, I want what I've always wanted: for some people to leave me alone, and others to be concerned and want to know what and how I'm doing. As someone very wise once said, "The world would be a much better place if everyone did what I wanted."

I'm aware that these people, these strangers who ask about my crutches, my cane, my limp or whatever, are just being curious and polite.
I also know that while it's the trillionth time I've explained it to:
someone at the checkout counter or someone just walking past me,
someone holding the door or bringing me my food,
while I already explained it to someone behind me in the waiting line (it's the one behind me, because the person in front of me took advantage of the situation and cut in front of the slow moving cripple), or
someone who's a friend of a friend or random nice stranger-- it's the first time hearing about it for them. And no I'm not going to become an angry cripple or a rude cripple, I'll still answer the questions and have the conversation I memorized quite some time ago. But still, I think I have a right to feel exhausted by it, don't I?