Tabernacle 0, Fire 1, Jesus wins

Something quite extraordinary came out of the tragic fire of the Provo Tabernacle. A giclee print of the Resurrected Lord was completely burned, except for the image of the Savior.

I am not one to believe that a piece of toast that looks like Mother Teresa or a twinkie that looks like John the Beloved's pinkie toe is anything more than a delicious coincidence, but you have to admit that this is cool, no matter what the significance or coincidence it is.

Quotes to live your life by,

Quotes I try to live my life by, anyway.

"The time to make up your mind about people- is never."
-Philip Barry

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
-Mark Twain

"Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see."
-Arthur Schopenhauer

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but having new eyes."
-Marcel Proust

"All I have seen teaches me to trust the creator for all I have not seen."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Everybody's dying to be someone else but I'll live my life if it kills me."
-E.E. Cummings

"As I have loved you, love one another. By this shall all men know ye are my disciples if ye have love one to another."
-Jesus the Christ

"Fiction is the lie that reveals the truth."
-Tim O'Brien

"Does it mean this, does it mean that, that's all anybody wants to know. (Forget) them, darling. I say what any decent poet would say if you dared ask him to analyze his work. If you see it, dear, then it's there."
-Freddy Mercury

"My sense of importance to the world is relatively small. On the other hand, my sense of importance to myself is tremendous."
-Noël Coward

"Every prayer is heard. Every sincere prayer is answered."
-John A Widtsoe

"I plan to live forever. So far, so good."
-Steven Wright

"If ye have not charity, ye are nothing."
-A lot of people. Paul, Moroni, Zenos, and Austin for starters.

"It is our choices that show who we truly are, far more than our abilities."
-J.K. Rowling

"My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me."
-Winston Churchill

this should probably be its own entry, as they're the most numerous, and all by Oscar Wilde, but just deal with it.

"A man who does not think for himself does not think at all."

"All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling."

"Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much."

"Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future."

"Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught."

"I am not young enough to know everything."

"I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly."

"If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all."

"Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about."

"One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards."

"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live."

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."

"There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating - people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing."

"True friends stab you in the front."

"Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong."

and...

"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."

Even Better than Ram Fat

So yes, we went to church on Sunday. All. Three. Hours.

Hooray! We did it!~

Before I begin my church travelogue and feelings re: it, I'd like to thank everyone for their comments on my last 2 posts. I am grateful for the wisdom and love you shared. I expected to receive generic "you can do it!" advice, and what I got was actually helpful, meaningful, sincere. I especially was grateful to see that I'm not the only one admitting to be bored in church.

NOW, the church travelogue.

We went with Brett and Charlotte to their ward, as they live so close to us, and that way we had 1) friends/family we know to attend with and hold us accountable for going, and 2) someone to watch and take Morgan from time to time.

All in all, it was a good Sunday, long and tiring (tiring from chasing after my son for most of second hour and all of third hour) less boring than usual, but most of all, it was a blessing to partake of the sacrament again.

My problems haven't been solved, but I'm glad I went, and that means something. Sacrament meeting was dull, mostly because the bishop just called up random youth to bear testimony of youth conference. It may not have been dull, but either the sound system wasn't loud enough or the speakers weren't loud enough to be understood over Morgan and other baby vocalists in the middle of their musical performance of "Infant Pandemonium: Movement Six."

Second hour was my favorite, partially because Charlotte and Brett watched Morgan most of the time (and a random stranger Morgan sat happily with for around ten minutes). Sunday School was on Saul's downfall as king of Israel. One of my favorite OT stories, (not featuring Elijah) I was going to list the pros and cons of both the instructor and their teaching method, and how I feel it can be a summation of my feelings towards the church, but I'll just say the instructor was a self-proclaimed Kindergarten teacher with all that entails.

Instead of a criticism of this particular teacher, I'll discuss the majority of Sunday School teaching methods that I have difficulty with. It seems that all many teachers do is have us read a series of scriptures with as little interaction as possible and then teach us the story again, as if we'd never heard of Saul or Samuel, or perhaps it changed since last time. (It hadn't). I love the scriptures, I think they are a gift from God and the word of God and treat them as such. However, in Sunday school, rote reading of the holy word in monotone King James' English can get me bogged down and distracted at best. Especially when the teacher has people read the same verses. (No joke, it was something like "you, read 1 Samuel 13:15-20, now you, read 1 Samuel 13:17-18. You over there, read Samuel 13:21-24, and you, read Samuel 13:23." They just read it! Sorry)

It's hubris and I need to humble myself, but I think a large reason why I have trouble listening to the lessons in church is I think I could teach them better. I've been in the church all my life and studied the scriptures quite extensively, enough to say I know how to feast upon the word. And I do. But it just gets boring when we read a handful of scriptures, teacher might ask us to say "what it means to us," or some other vague question that shows they either weren't listening or don't understand, and then tells us a story we already know. In short, I think my issues and boredom stem from lack of good teachers. You know, kind of like college.

I don't want to just come to church for the sacrament. Though that's the prime important reason to go, I want to enjoy Sunday School and Priesthood. (Don't get me started on Priesthood. That rant may deserve its own post). I've been to Sunday School lessons with amazingly excellent teachers, you'd think with the concentration of Mormons here they'd call some better ones.

Now the good. I'd like to talk about what I love about the Samuel, Saul and the Amalekites story.

For those of you who don't know or would like a refresher, here's the gist: (Read 1 Samuel 15 for the actual version)

The LORD tells Samuel the Prophet to exterminate the Amalekites. Samuel, the LORD's mouthpiece relays the information to Saul, the King. Kill em all. Men, Women, children, babies. Ox, sheep, camels. Kill. them. all.

Simple, right?

Saul goes and does just that. Kills em all. Well, mostly. Saul decides to spare the king, Agag. He also thinks it's a good idea to save the fattest and best of the animals to make sacrifice. Samuel and the LORD don't.

Samuel tells Saul: (1 Sam 15:22) "...to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams."

Samuel kills Agag, Saul has his kingship revoked.

Good story, right?

One thing she kind of touched on but not really discussed, was Saul's real sin. The man wanted to sacrifice these animals to God, a commandment, right? (Nevermind the fact that killing them in His name could be viewed as sacrifice, then he would obey AND sacrifice). Saul's real sin was thinking he knew better than the LORD.

Is this my real sin? Quite often (when active, and again yesterday) I thought "I could teach this lesson better." However, I wasn't called to teach this lesson. I was called to listen, not judge. Maybe the rest of the class didn't know the story of Saul and Samuel until it was taught in Sunday School. Maybe I could learn a thing from Samuel, to let the LORD know His servant heareth. (1 Sam 3:10) To hearken, and obey. But it's hard. It's difficult to listen to a lesson and story I know without being bored. School is a place of learning, but on Sunday they're teaching stuff I already know. Is my lesson to listen when bored and not think I'm above it all? Should I just pull a Henry Eyring?

The story of Henry Eyring (one of them. I'm sure there are others. At least the one I'm referring to) goes something like: An exceptionally boring speaker expounded on some Gospel subject. The mood of the congregation ranged from dangerously bored to fighting to stay awake. Someone noticed Henry Eyring, scientist, genius and father and namesake of our current First Counselor of the First Presidency, that he was beaming at the speaker's remarks. Beaming. After the meeting, his son inquired if they were indeed in the same meeting. Here's what he said:

"Since I was a very young man, I have taught myself to do something in a church meeting. When the speaker begins, I listen carefully and ask myself what it is he is trying to say. Then, once I think I know what he is trying to accomplish, I give myself a sermon on that subject.
Since then, I have never been to a bad meeting."

While this perspective may allow for the reign of the boring teachers to continue, it makes the responsibility of my church involvement mine. Yes, I'm bored. No, it's not my fault, that person can't teach worth beans. But whether or not they're Socrates or little old Sister Johannasbergsteinheimersen, I can proactively affect my enjoyment. If I'm so smart, (and I am) maybe I'll just teach myself. Which is what I did in Elder's Quorum, when not chasing after a curious Morgan. But that's worthy of another post. Maybe.

In conclusion, yes. I'm very glad I went. No, it didn't magically solve all my problems, but I didn't expect or even want it to. (Well, it would have been nice...)

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Spirituality > Religion

This will be the second act to my religious trilogy of posts, the third hopefully being written on Monday after going back to church the day before.

On my mission I came across many wonderful (and not so much) individuals whose excuse in not going or belonging to a church stemmed from the belief that Spirituality was far more important than Religion. A relationship with the Divine is better than a relationship with any minister or religious creed.

Who can argue with that? That being said, my response to them was always "Yes, but the best way to increase your Spirituality and relationship with God is through Religion." Presumably the right religion, and conveniently the one I was preaching.

I guess I need to go back and analyze that Elder Austin response. I'm sure some of you are thinking "That's it! Exactly! Way to go, Austin! That's what I'm trying to say! Religion/attendance doesn't equal Spirituality! Religion/attendance leads to Spirituality! I couldn't have said it better myself!" The others (or maybe the same people) are saying "What a hypocrite!"

Because I do believe Spirituality is more important than Religion. It will matter more to God (and to myself) what I did infinitely more than who I was. However, what better way to begin my weekly efforts in striving towards perfection than taking time out of a hectic week in worship with those with beliefs similar to mine? What better way to learn to live Christ's example than study and application? Go to church once a week.

And no, I'm not suggesting a Rameumptom. I'm saying what you already know. Austin, once you start going back to church, it will enrich the rest of your life as well. It gets you started on the right path. You are filling up your cup at the eternal well, and the living water will last you the rest of the week. (Mixed/broken metaphors there, but you see where I'm going, right?)

One of the reasons why I posted what I did in my last blog entry was I was stating how I felt, and how I wanted to change.

Church bores me. I don't feel like I get any improvement or growth out of it. And I want to. What's the problem? And it's not that I'm coming with a closed heart. I'm not expecting to have my spirituality poured down my throat. Sometimes church is boring. If I ignore the fact and go, I'll soon be right back here, with you shocked that I've gone inactive again.

What I've apparently forgotten is that those three hours are not church. Or, in other words, church is not three hours of attendance. They're not a Rameumptom. We are not just supposed to show up, say a prayer, sing a song, recite "Holy holy God" in our own way and go home, ignoring our religion the rest of the week. (Well, I don't do any of that at all, being inactive. But what I'm driving at is that's not the purpose of church, now is it?) The purpose for church is realigning ourselves to our eternal purpose, our goal of reaching perfection in the footsteps of the Savior.

*****

On my mission, we taught that church attendance is like a fire. Everyone has a branch or log, alight with the flame of burning testimony. When we bring them together, such as in Sunday worship, the fire glows brighter. On their own, the fires die out.
A nice metaphor, and I disagree. At least in regards to myself. My fire of testimony thankfully hasn't extinguished. I argue the case that my lack of going hasn't affected my beliefs one way or another. I still believe all the important things, the Articles of Faith and testimony bearing checklist. But I felt that the fire analogy wasn't accurate to my situation. In going to church, I didn't feel my torch of testimony getting any brighter or dimmer, so I stopped going.

What I didn't realize was it's not about getting your testimony torch to burn brighter, it's about using it to see where to go. Church sets you on the path to righteousness the rest of the week. You're a Christian every day, every minute, not for the time you're in the Lord's house. (Thought hopefully you're one there as well.)

It's not about increasing testimony, it's about getting back on track with God.

I need a better reason than what I have to get back to church. I don't want to go back because I fear it will be the same boring, hollow experience I've felt in the past. I don't think my "torch" of testimony will brighten myself or brighten any others by going. And while being a good example to my son and wanting him to have the Gospel may be a good reason, it's certainly not the best reason to return to activity. What I want is to want to go to church again.

But, I think I'll have to apply the lesson of Alma the Younger and just plant that faith seed. Get my inactive butt off to sacrament and Sunday school and priesthood, attend with a broken heart, contrite spirit, empty cup, alert mind, listening ears, tight-fitting suit and untied shoes, (and metal hip) and leave the rest to the Lord.

All That I Have Seen

Some of you may know Tracie and I have dwindled into inactivity with the Church. Not due to any personal issues, offenses real or perceived, more out of laziness coupled with a demanding baby and other excuses.

I'm not posting this to ask you to tell me why I should go back, because I know I should. And I'm not posting this to give you carte blanche to tell me why I'm going to Hell, I have better reasons than you do in that regard.

I'm posting because I feel like it, and to sort of sort through my own feelings of faith as well.

I know the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the only true and living church on the face of the whole earth. That being said, one of the reasons why I stopped going wasn't laziness. I stopped going when I stopped feeling the Spirit while at church. I'm sure it can be traced to my own inadequacies and dozing off during talks, but I stopped seeing the value in attending. I didn't get anything out of it, and I know I wasn't helping anyone else get anything out of it.

When that happened, little things like boring callings (being one of eight ward librarians is a fast way to feel superfluous) or members of the bishopric forgetting your names or what you talked about the week before, start piling up and making it really easy to stay home. What's easier, to decide to stay in your pj's on Sunday and make omelets then catch up on cleaning up, or getting dressed in ill-fitting suits because you're fat, asking your wife to put your shoes and socks on because you can't reach (not due to fatness, thank goodness, but due to recent hip surgery), hear talks that sound like Charlie Brown's parents, feel ignored and invisible during Sunday school and priesthood?
I know, these are excuses, I'm very aware of the fact, thank you. I'm saying this because I want to change, and they say the first step to overcoming a problem is admitting you have the problem.

Because now, I'm not just missing church for myself, I have a son that I want to grow up in the Gospel. While I may have issues about certain doctrinal points, it hasn't influenced or wavered my faith. (I thought it was waivered, but spell check didn't). I have a background in the Gospel and scriptures to keep me strong, but Morgan doesn't. Therefore, I am making the commitment now to get back to church for Morgan's sake. If I have to, I'll read my scriptures while people try to expound gospel truths while relating them to skiing trips or exclamation marks. Because I want him to have a foundation of truth that Tracie and I can't provide alone.

But then, what of my doctrinal hang ups? It makes me wonder is that the reason why I stopped feeling the Spirit? I don't know exactly why our church instituted polygamy. I don't know why the leaders of the church then outlawed it. I don't know why it took us so long to give blacks the Priesthood, and if there will be a similar revelation someday towards homosexuals. I don't understand the disparity of preaching equality between the sexes, then the fact that only men may hold the Priesthood, and a man must preside over the family. If a marriage is one of harmony, how am I to lord over my wife in the name of harmony?

I don't know the answers to these questions, and I'm not looking for yours. Because it doesn't matter. I know that these things and more were commanded by God, and He has His reasons. When it all comes down to it, Emerson said it best.


"All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen."


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Gordon B. Hinckley 1910-2008

I was 13 when Gordon B. Hinckley became the President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Most of my memories of a Prophet are about him. The world is better because this man lived the life that God wanted him to. He is with his sweetheart now. President Hinckley, thank you for urging me to stand a little taller, to read the Book of Mormon, to love my neighbors, in short, to do the things the Lord would have me do.

I remember while on my mission, we showed the video "Gordon B. Hinckley: Man of Integrity" to someone we were trying to help find his testimony of the Prophet. (He already believed the Book of Mormon to be true.) After watching the video of his life up to that point, he said to us "How could that man not be a prophet?" And was baptised shortly after. Without direct contact, just by living his life, he helped bring this person and I know countless others into the fold. I know this man was a prophet of God, and that he now is before his Redeemer, who has taken him into His arms and said: "Well done, thou good and faithful servant."

Gordon B. Hinckley 1910-2008

He will be missed.