Nov 30, 2007

I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing than to teach ten thousand stars how not to dance.

Warning: This blog entry will be more melancholy than the wild jungle circus of fun you've come to expect when going to Not that anything tragic or horrific has happened, but I'm in a serious, contemplative mood, and I haven't written while in one of those for a very long time.

I just found out my plans for school have had a big wrench thrown in them. My original plan was to take the student success course, then apply for the UV Mentor, which would get me a full ride scholarship. Well, I didn't know I had to be a full time student to get that, and, we're planning on starting a family next year. (Well, we're already a family, but we want to add a little someone to the family next year.) So Tracie will stop working full time. Which means I'll be in school part time, taking 8 years or so to get my bachelor's, meaning I'll be in my 30's. Sigh. Well, no one said it'd be easy. I honestly don't know how people do it. I asked Tracie, and she said "carefully." I love her so much. She's my strength, that's for dang sure.
"Unless you love someone, nothing else makes any sense." E.E. Cummings. Thanks, Tracie, for making my world make sense. I love you more than I can comprehend.

I walked past the owner of my company today, a really nice guy, probably no more than 10 years older than me if that, and I entertained the notion of doing what this company pitches- make tons of money in E-Commerce, Real Estate, Stock Market, and forsake an education. But then I thought, I'd rather regret not making a fortune than regret not having an education. So, I'll take the time I need to.

I'm going to meet with a counselor/advisor today to talk about Majoring in Arts & Visual Communications with an emphasis in Graphic Design, and getting a minor in Creative Writing. I'm looking forward to it. I just wish we had lots of money and more time in the day so I could get schooling done sooner. Oh well.

Maybe I'll publish some of my stories that will help pay some school. I'm just mortally afraid of debt. Tracie and I (in my humble opinion) have done pretty good in the keeping out of debt department, and I wanted that to continue.

Anyhoo, I'm going to be optimistic. This way, I'll have 6 or 8 years of school! I love to learn! I'll be a dad in a year or two! Nothing is better than that! (Besides being a husband, which I've been for a year and five months TODAY!) I'm just scared of the future, scared of giving my all and it not being good enough. You know, the same stuff Austin's been afraid of since before he could walk.

Sheesh! All this complaining is annoying me, so I'll stop now. I'll end this impromptu blog entry with a Happy Birthday to Clay Aiken, Ben Stiller, Mandy Patinkin, Elisha Cuthbert, David Mamet, Ridley Scott, Billy Idol, and... Ammon B! Happy Birthday Big Brother! Miss you and your family so much, thank you forever for always being one of the best examples I've had on being a student, a brother, a son, a husband, a father, a latter-day saint, a member of our family, and a person. You've always given me a whole lot to live up to, and I thank you so much for that. Hope you get the birthday you deserve, and I hope I'm as happy and wonderful as you are in 5 1/2 years when I'm 31!


lynette said...

Don't fret! I thought that Ammon would never finish school and now look at us! Be prayerful, be smart, and stick to it! It will all work out in the end.

Heather said...

Reading this post makes me remember what Ryan and I went through.

You will get through okay, with lots of patience. The most important thing is the support and love between you and Tracie.

Ryan went to school while I had little Seth, and another baby Cade. It was hard, we were next to broke, but at least we didn't get in debt. We were just cash poor.

Fast forward ten years, and everything had all been worth it, as will the same for you.

There is nothing like having a little one to depend on you to really motivate you and push forward and get things done while in school etc.

I think you and Tracie will be awesome parents. I cannot wait to be that gushy aunt by next year!!!


i don't know how you feel specifically because i am, as you know, not austintacious. however i will say that i am so sorry about the wrench.