(Note: I wrote this in November of 2020, but only now feel ok posting it/remember).
Several months ago, the president of the Mormon church gave a short message to his followers. The short version of the short message was the admonition to post on social media for 7 days things you're thankful for, with the hashtag "givethanks." This bothered me considerably, which made me question why. Why was someone they believe to be a prophet telling them to share gratitude something that made me see red? Upon reflection, I thought of several possible reasons. These include:
1) I'm a bitter, angry ex-Mormon, so anything the church leadership says or does is something I try to see the worst in. It's possible, I suppose. But if you really think that about me, maybe it's time for our friendship to end. My bitterness is rooted in pain they caused me, and still cause so many people I love.
2) Maybe I'm a woke ex-Mormon, who thinks that if a man claiming to speak for god is going to give a message, you'd think it'd be something more important than "humblebrag" or "virtue signal" to all your fb friends, especially during a time of year where we ALREADY have in place a time to give thanks. (Hint, it's the last Thursday of the 11th month). My standards for what constitutes a prophet may be too high.
3) I'm a compassionate, yet critical ex-Mormon. One who thinks the church president should use his influence responsibly and tell those he presides over to choose health. There are many Mormons who are stubbornly refusing to wear a mask, appearing to be more interested in their personal freedom than the safety of those around them. (Sounds unChristlike to me, but what do I know). If the president of their church told them "wear masks. Don't gather in church meetings or with large groups for the next while. Be considerate of the health of those around you." I would have thought well, he did the bare minimum for those he's responsible for. But at least he did it. As he didn't do that, it makes my feelings towards him drift negatively. But maybe my issue stems from my preoccupation with this, the only life we can be certain we have, rather than the next life, which we can only hope and fear for, as there is no substantial evidence this isn't the only life we have.
4) Another possible reason for my ire is that I'm a caring but possibly condescending ex-Mormon. Seeing those I love have to be told to show gratitude strengthens my belief that the church infantilizes and patronizes its followers. The Mormon people are compassionate and brave and strong. Religion (in my view obvs) is so often a crutch for the healthy, a magic feather that one doesn't need to fly, but only keeps people down from their full potential. Having to be told "give thanks" or having to be told much of anything dwarfs and weakens personal progress. Obedience to authority rather than one's conscience and heart and reason is often a recipe for atrocity. So far it's "hashtag give thanks," but if you don't think blind obedience isn't dangerous, please reconsider.
5) The order/request/suggestion/demand/whatever to give thanks on social media would be innocuous I think. The addition of a hashtag I'm sure to some believers gives faith that their leader is culturally aware and technologically conscious. To a nonbeliever, it reeks of salesmanship, pandering, inauthenticity, and profaning what should be holy. But, I'm thinking that's probably a me problem. If I can try to see it through your eyes, as a way to bring positivity to your virtual social interactions, I ask you at least attempt to see how it can be viewed my way.
6) These are some of the reasons it could have upset me so. Another is the fact that I have little to zero positive feelings towards the Mormon president. (I don't call him a prophet because I don't think he's ever prophesied. Has he?) I think he has much blood of LDS LGBT+ children on his hands from the harm the church doctrine and policy does to them. Mormonism hurts queer people, and pretends like it doesn't. When it acknowledges they exist at all. I feel it's often the same with victims of abuse. From my perspective, the church seems more interested in protecting their image, than the abuse survivors. I think the church needs to apologize for many things (such as the fact that they have only taught that black people can go to heaven/receive exaltation for the last 42 years). Them acting as moral authorities when they have so many immoral skeletons in their closet feels inauthentic and hypocritical at best.
I'm not expecting perfection. I am expecting accountability. Some guy once said the inner vessel should be cleaned before the outer vessel. As I say this, I know it could easily be turned around, and I have enough perspective now to notice my own inner vessel could stand an enema or three. However, I'm not claiming to be a moral authority or to speak for the supreme moral authority here.
7) Many people have posted on Facebook on things they're grateful for, who I haven't seen post in years. While this is nice and I'm trying to focus on the good--that it's good to see them dust off their fb accounts and let us know what they're up to--it also feels manufactured and dishonest. Like they can't be bothered to participate in the conversation until their dear leader tells them to. I don't completely think this is the case for most. Please note this is still me trying to wrap my head around where my anger is stemming from. I believe anger is a responsive emotion. It comes from somewhere else. Often a product of or a mask of pain, or fear.
8) If you've read my blog before, chances are you know I have Borderline Personality Disorder. One of the symptoms is a strong irrational fear of abandonment. Seeing faithful LDS respond in droves with things they're thankful for (at least in part) because the leader of their church told them to, (including the hashtag which seems like a bad taste ad campaign) brings up my fear that someday their leader will tell them to cut all ties with those who have left the church. I'm afraid that if Pres Nelson or another tells them to do it, they will. In this hypothetical, following the command makes them (*in my estimation) a bad person/friend, and not following the command makes them a bad disciple/Mormon. Obedience to religious authority is scary. It's the reason we don't have the twin towers in NYC anymore. I hope I'm not being hyperbolic. I'm just trying to open up with why I'm afraid. And again, trying to work out why this outpouring of gratitude has made me so upset. The obedience to something harmless foreshadows obedience to something more sinister. Research the Danites if you think Mormonism immune to violent religious extremism. Or the Mountain Meadow Massacre.
9) Maybe another reason is, to revisit when I talked about the magic feather, is my expectations of a religious leader. As a nonbeliever, it seems ridiculous that the same office that holy writ said literally called down fire from the sky, moved mountains, parted seas, etc., is telling people something as obvious and trite as "give thanks." I expect more than that if you want to be called prophet.
10) I tried making a list of things I was grateful for. It varied between angry/snark/painmask, and sincere/authentic/vulnerable. (At least I hope so.) I might still share it. I'm sure this sounds condescending, but I think we can agree that we've all been well-intentionedly condescending at least once before, so I hope you can excuse my good-meaning condescension when I say I think you'd be better off without church. I think religion holds people back from living fuller, richer lives. Before you get too upset, I can only give my own life as an example, as well as the lives of many friends I've made since leaving the church who feel similarly. The allegory of Plato's cave feels very applicable. The world is richer and life more meaningful without illusions. To be fair, I'd be willing to bet that you believe your religion will help others lead happier, better lives. You might even be right, especially if those people were living horrible lives before. Just because climbing one step higher makes the view better, doesn't mean there aren't more steps you can take.
I don't know, but I strongly suspect my disdain for "hashtag give thanks" comes from some or all the above.
I don't like the leadership of the Mormon church. I think they're either deluded or deceptive, and appear chiefly interested in money and power, instead of compassion and service. I think any church that stockpiles over 100 billion dollars (or 1 billion, or anything) is downright criminal, if not evil.
The fact that they claim to be Jesus Christ's chosen religion is disgusting. It spits in the face of practically anything he said in the Bible. If I can make a quick aside, it's weird to not believe that Jesus of Nazareth was divine, but see those who claim to be his church appear to get his message so wrong. And have them call me enemy, or lost sheep, or apostate. Or anti-Mormon. I can't remember if I said this before on my blog, but I don't think I'm anti-Mormon. I'm anti-lies, anti-racism, anti-abuse, anti-covering up abuse, anti-homo/transphobia, anti-white supremacism. If these make me anti-Mormon (or anti-LDS or whatever the new term is) maybe you should reconsider why being against those things is bad. I think the leadership of the church and much of the doctrine is harmful to people, especially its members, whom I love.
I've recently realized that unfortunately, my anger/pain/righteous wrath towards its leadership is often misplaced, and felt mainly by the members and my friends. I lose sight of my honest to goodness concern and compassion for the Mormon people. I try attacking harmful practices and evil men, but my well-intentioned spray of verbal bullets hits the believers instead. Part of that is neither Russell Nelson, Dallin Oaks, or the others will accept my friend requests. I will try to aim better, and continue to try explaining that my love and concern for you, the faithful latter-day saint, is often what makes me appear angry, bitter, attacking things you cherish. Because I think you can be and have so much more.
We all have two lives. You think the second happens after you die. I believe a second life begins when we realize that we only have one.
So yes, I hate the hashtag. I don't like the harmful teachings of shame, guilt, pedestalizing, racism, sexism, homophobia, and others. I am often repulsed by men who claim to speak to God but constantly act in ways counter to my conscience and their religion's teachings. But I can try to pull a beam out of my eye for a moment to see the gratitude in a year that has devastated the world. I hope you can do the same, and see this bitter, venomous anti-Mormon as someone who wants the best for everyone. He's just shitty at doing so. Happy Thanksgiving, and on with the Christmas music!
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