Dec 12, 2007

The Twelve Days of Christmas Fun! (Ok, actually there are 13 left) And not so much fun.

We all know the song, right?
I'll sing the abridged part.

On the First Day of Christmas my True Love gave to me:
A Partridge in a pear tree.
On the Second Day of Christmas my True Love gave to me:
Two turtle doves etc.
On the Third Day of Christmas my True Love gave to me:
Three French Hens etc.
On the Fourth Day of Christmas my True Love gave to me:
Four Calling Birds etc.
On the Fifth Day of Christmas my True Love gave to me:
Five Golden Rings etc.
On the Sixth Day of Christmas my True Love gave to me:
Six Geese a laying etc.
On the Seventh Day of Christmas my True Love gave to me:
Seven Swans a swimming etc.
On the Eighth Day of Christmas my True Love gave to me:
Eight maids a milking etc.
On the Ninth Day of Christmas my True Love gave to me:
Nine Ladies dancing etc.
On the Tenth Day of Christmas my True Love gave to me:
Ten Lords a leaping etc.
On the Eleventh Day of Christmas my True Love gave to me:
Eleven Pipers Piping. etc.
On the Twelfth Day of Christmas my True Love gave to me:
Twelve Drummers Drumming etc.

I did this once in Elementary school. If you add them all up, that makes for 12 Partridges in Pear trees. 22 Turtle Doves. 30 French Hens. 36 Calling Birds. 40 Golden Rings. 42 Geese a laying, 42 Swans a swimming, 40 maids a milking, 36 ladies dancing, 30 lords a leaping, 22 pipers piping and 12 drummers drumming. Final Total: 364.

Here are my questions: First of all, over 12 days, your "True Love" gave you 364 things of poultry, people, and golden rings. What did you give them? Next, what exactly do you mean your true love gave you 40 maids a milking, 36 ladies dancing, 30 lords a leaping, 22 pipers piping, and 12 drummers drumming? Is your true love a slave dealer, just giving you 140 people? And if so, what do you plan to do with them after the 12 days? Regift the lords & ladies? Keep a few of the maids and pipers for yourself when you get lonely? And when you get the 42 swans a swimming, what exactly are they swimming in when they're given? Did you get 42 ponds as well?

Those of you who think this is a rant, you're right. But here's another song that cracks me up about the infamous 12 days of doom.

The Twelve Days AFTER Christmas
By Frederick Silver and shared by surfer Jennifer H.

The first day after Christmas, my true love and I had a fight
And so I chopped the pear tree down and burned it just for spite
Then with a single cartridge, I shot that blasted partirdge
my true love, my true love, my true love gave to me

The second day after Christmas, I pulled on the old rubber gloves
and very gently wrung the necks of both the turtle doves
My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me

The third day after Christmas, my Mother caught the croup
I had to use the three French Hens to make some chicken soup
The four calling birds were a big mistake for their language was obscene
The five golden rings were completely fake and they turned my fingers green

The sixth day after Christmas, the six laying geese wouldn't lay
I gave the whole darn gaggle to the A.S.P.C.A
On the seventh day, what a mess I found
all seven of the swimming swans had drowned
My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me

The eighth day after Christmas, before they could suspect
I bundled up the eight maids a milking, nine pipers piping, ten ladies dancing, eleven lords a leaping, twelve drummers drumming (Spoken: "Well, actually, I kept ONE of the drummers" ) and sent them back collect
I wrote my true love, " We are through, love! "
And I said in so many words,
" Furthermore your Christmas gifts were for the birds! "


Merry Christmas to all!

4 comments:

Charlo said...

Well, my thoughts are, if your true love is giving you all those milking maids, she had better know you are faithful, and the ought not be hot maids. It also would have been smart for her to give you cows or goats instead of doves or swans... to keep them milkin' maids a busy.

lynette said...

Never thought about this before... I wonder where this song originates from?

The Jones :) said...

You're a weirdo!! I like reading it though :)
-Becki :)

Heather said...

That was hee-LAR-reee-UUSSS!!!