1. I can sleep in an extra few minutes since I'm no longer shaving.
2. I get compliments from fellow (mostly bearded) coworkers.
3. Food storage.
4. I'm already sexy, bald, and have a cyborg leg, If I wanted to look cooler, it was either this or an eyepatch.
5. So my face gets less cold when I'm outdoors.
6. Got to grow hair somewhere. (Get your mind out of the gutter, I mean my bald head, thank you very much.)
7. I'm tired of being the unique one. I wanna conform. In my creative writing class, EVERY guy there is balding, wears glasses, and has facial hair, except me. Now I am just one of them. Except I have a cane.
8. I got tired of people asking me if I went to BYU or UVU. Now the beard tells them.
9. Tracie has a new reason not to kiss me besides my breath.
10. I wanted to join the ranks of the likes of: Sean Connery, Philip K. Dick, The Ghost Pirate LeChuck, Abraham Lincoln, Chuck Norris, Brigham Young, Alan Moore, Evil Spock, Mr. T, Commander Riker, ZZ Top, Hemingway, most non-British philosophers, (Nietzsche only had a mustache, but WHAT a 'stache!), Gandalf, Dumbledore, Obi-Wan, all the Beatles at one time or another, and according to most Western art, a guy named Jesus.
11. (bonus) Just look at me.