Jan 20, 2011

Reasons I'm growing a beard

1. I can sleep in an extra few minutes since I'm no longer shaving.
2. I get compliments from fellow (mostly bearded) coworkers.
3. Food storage.
4. I'm already sexy, bald, and have a cyborg leg, If I wanted to look cooler, it was either this or an eyepatch.
5. So my face gets less cold when I'm outdoors.
6. Got to grow hair somewhere. (Get your mind out of the gutter, I mean my bald head, thank you very much.)
7. I'm tired of being the unique one. I wanna conform. In my creative writing class, EVERY guy there is balding, wears glasses, and has facial hair, except me. Now I am just one of them. Except I have a cane.
8. I got tired of people asking me if I went to BYU or UVU. Now the beard tells them.
9. Tracie has a new reason not to kiss me besides my breath.
10. I wanted to join the ranks of the likes of: Sean Connery, Philip K. Dick, The Ghost Pirate LeChuck, Abraham Lincoln, Chuck Norris, Brigham Young, Alan Moore, Evil Spock, Mr. T, Commander Riker, ZZ Top, Hemingway, most non-British philosophers, (Nietzsche only had a mustache, but WHAT a 'stache!), Gandalf, Dumbledore, Obi-Wan, all the Beatles at one time or another, and according to most Western art, a guy named Jesus.
11. (bonus) Just look at me.

9 comments:

JanB said...

What a handsome, hairy mug!

Wendy McMillan said...

I like. And tell Tracie she'll get used to it and then in the summer when you shave, your face will feel amazing to her!

Charity said...

Spitting image of Commander Riker :) You look good, Austin!

Charlo said...

I tried to grow a beard, but all I got was a pre-pubecent mustache. Still waiting for puberty, I guess. Maybe that's why I can't get pregnant.

Ammon said...

You could at least smile and pretend that you like the way your beard looks.

Austin said...

I am smiling!

Mark said...

I dig the no shaving thing (and the food storage possibilities)

And your cheeks are too cute not to kiss (you chubby chunk of tuna)

Not you just have to work on the breath.

HailerStar said...

If you want her to kiss you then you need to put conditioner in your beard (it may sound a lil odd but I've had guy friends do this and their beards were AMAZINGLY soft). Being non scratchy = high kissable factor.

Laurie said...

I think you should still consider the eye patch.