Here they are, the legendary trackers who caught the bigfoot. And won't show him. And who supplied the DNA of a human mixed with an opossum. Or what's known in Georgia as "A good time."
I'm afraid that I will have to post a retraction that my source, CNN.com, is not as reliable as I thought, and this story, like all bigfoot stories, is nothing more than elaborate hoax set up by these two diabolical geniuses (is it geniuses? geniusii?) to dupe the masses of Bigfoot-believing public.
I constantly endeavor to post only things I find relevant, factual, and reliable, unless I find them particularly funny. And there's nothing to laugh about in a story of two redneck hunters faking a bigfoot discovery.
But maybe they're NOT faking it.
So WHAT if the DNA ( that's Deoxyribonucleic acid, not Lysergic diethylamide acid) sample they produced has human and opossum DNA? I mean, we've been told all our lives that evolution means we all come from the same ancestor anyway (some microscopic germ in a primordial soup with way too much time on his hands, to be precise) and so maybe bigfoot's DNA is just showing human blueprints and possum plans because those are his closest relatives. I know for a fact that when they look at my DNA they see a shmorgasborg of ingredients, ranging from frog, cow, pig, monkey, Italian, and velociraptor DNA. That doesn't mean the frozen Austin carcass in Alabama is a FAKE. So why question the bigfoot?
We don't WANT to believe.
What happened to the faith in this country. Two enterprising gentlemen; scholars, if you will, bravely do what no one before them has done, they shoot and capture ol' Sasquatch, and we and our DNA evidence try to DISPROVE their findings. Well that just makes me sick. Now excuse me, but I'm going to go help myself to a bowl of chicken noodle primordial soup.