Aug 16, 2010

Final Self-Assessment: Unoriginal Creativity

For my creative writing final, we had to have a portfolio of 2 completed pieces, everything we wrote for the class, and a final self-assessment on what we learned. The self-assessment had to be told "creatively," so I made mine into a dialogue between my teacher and me.

The office of DR. JULIE NICHOLS.
The last day of the semester.

(There is a knock at the door)

You may enter.

(AUSTIN, a college student older than the average walks in. He starts to sit, but stops as he hasn't been offered a seat yet. DR. NICHOLS motions for him to sit, but he doesn't see it, so he bolts back up. She indicates he can sit, but he thinks she's indicating he leave, so he's confusingly moving up and down and she keeps motioning to sit. Eventually he figures out that she's allowing him to sit and he does.)

Good afternoon, Austin.

Hello, Doctor.

What can I help you with today?

Well, I'd like to tell you why I deserve an A in your Creative Writing class.

That's it? You're just going to present a lame dialogue as your "self-assessment in creative fashion?" Not the most clever method I've ever seen.

-Or most original.

Don't interrupt me. Or the most original. You have less than a page left. You had better impress me.

I'll do my best. (Clears throat) I feel I earned an A because I turned in every assignment, everything I turned in got either an A except for one B+, and on the only day of class that I did miss I told you immediately, and I did the necessary homework for that day as well.

So you did what was expected of you. Big whoop. That earns you a C.

You printed several excerpts of my submissions for the class handouts, as well as a discussion question. Additionally there were several examples on the handouts of classmates submitting how much their writing improved after workshopping and revision. More than a few of those improvements originated from suggestions made by me.

So you're taking credit for other's work? Not impressed. Tell me what you learned from this final.

(Getting nervous) Oh, what didn't I learn from the final!

Yes, but what did you learn? And don't fudge on this.

Well, I learned that revision is hard work, but I can do it. It's what I wanted most to get out of this class, and though we didn't have enough time to cover it as much as I'd have liked, I learned by doing. I wrote in my creative writing journal every day, I got exactly what I wanted out of this class, and I learned that I have what it takes to be a phenomenal and successful writer. The only thing standing in my way before was my inability to revise, and lack of submitting to literary publications.

(Looks at her clock) Well, all right. Sounds pretty good. Tell you what, since you did so well in the class, (rolls her eyes) I'll give you a B.

What do you say we split the differance and you give me an A?

You spelled "difference" wrong.

Don't interrupt me.


Charlo said...

"Don't interrupt me... You have less than a page left. You had better impress me."
~DR. NICHOLS in Austin Beckstrom's "Final Self-Assessment: Unoriginal Creativity"

Did I just quote your work to you? I Guess that makes me the lamest of all groupies.

Austin said...

I'll take whatever kind of groupies I can get.

Except the homicidal stalker ones. NO stalking or homicide, Charlo.

Laurie said...

I like how it ends ;)

Jacob I. McMillan said...

I would have mailed that assignment in even harder than you did here. One word: haiku!

Ammon said...

Right before she gave you your final grade the Spanish Inquisition should have burst upon the scene because "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

Mark said...

very witty - so, what grade did you earn (or more importantly, what grade did she give you)?