The other day, as I was driving to work, an elderly motorist began merging into the lane I was driving in. In fact, if I wasn't such a good driver, he would have driven directly into my car. I swerved and honked my horn several times, meanwhile he appeared non-plustered and continued merrily on his roadway warpath. It was then that I had two thoughts. (Three, if you count the ways of demise I hoped for that octagenarian, including but not limited to burning and twisted metal). One was what a jerk that old man was and I hope he'll be all right driving that way, not at all explode mysteriously or drive off a cliff when napping.
The other was why Mitsubishi, when designing the Lancer model, decided to install the weeniest car horn made. Picture the scene. I'm driving to work after class. I'm in a hurry, because UVU and Security Metrics are not close in proximity to one another, relative to Orem. Suddenly an old-person in an old-person-Buick driving like an old person invades my driving space in the lane I am occupying: my lane. I swerve to avoid crumpled cars and angrily mash my palm repeatedly on the horn, only to hear:
"weeeeeeeeeeeeee! weeeee wee weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
This just infuriates me all the more, so when I get to work I grab all my belongings (so I thought) and slam the car door. Then realize, I locked my keys in the car. With it still running. Stupid old man. This is all his fault. I get to my desk and ask my coworkers semi-seriously if any of them can break into a car, while I start looking online for locksmiths. One of the managers tells me Orem Police can break into your car for free, and I think what a deal! So I call dispatch (after being told 911 is probably not the best number to call for this type of emergency) and tell them our location.
I go outside, wait by my car and meet the officer. He's very friendly, has me sign a form waiving any charges for them breaking anything on my car. I hesitatingly sign, after the reassurance from him that he's been doing this 20 years and has yet to break anything. I tell him 20 years, he looks much too young for that, he asks me what I'm doing later. After successfully breaking into my car and unsuccessfully breaking it or getting a date, I grab my keys and thank the officer and silently curse the old man that he will lock his keys in his car evermore. I then realize, he probably already does lock his keys in the car, and instead curse him with baldness and dementia. Too late. Incontinence. Already there. Oh well. At least no one was hurt. Yet.