Oct 7, 2010

Dear

Dear Spammers,

I don't need Canadian Pharmaceuticals, I don't need a bigger penis, cheaper Viagra, or rolexes of any kind. I don't need to hear your great business opportunity, my name is not Osteen, Ustin, Aston or Austen. I'm not interested in a mail order bride, a male order bride, Russian or Polish or any other. It's only kind of funny that google keeps thinking I want a recipe for Spam burritos because of you. But not anymore. Please leave me alone.

Dear Pam,

I don't know who you are, but please stop sending me messages on something called "Speed Date" that's appearing in my spam folder. I'm very happily married, and no offense but I can do better than you anyway.

Dear Work,

I love working here. But could you not have the air conditioner on full blast 24/7? I had to wear my winter coat in the summer, otherwise I couldn't feel my fingers.

Dear Stomach,

Why are you so hungry all the time? Do some work and eat the excess fat in my belly/butt/thighs. Stop growling, it's ridiculous.

Dear Leg,

I get it. You're hurting. Get over it already, it's getting very tiresome.

Dear Blog Readers,

Thank you for taking the time to read my random posts. I'll write a good one again someday to make it up to you, I promise.

5 comments:

Mark said...

Let me know if any of that actually works - my guess is you'll keep getting spam, sam, ham, and sham

Ammon said...

Dude two words: gmail filters.

'Nuff said.

Charlo said...

Do people actually buy crap from spammers? I'm morally apposed. It encourages rude behavior. I want to know who buys crap from rude people. I'm gunna soak up for crutches.

And yes. I love gmail filters. I get spam like 2 times ayear, and never read my spam folder.

Jacob I. McMillan said...

I've been taking a substitute teaching certification course this week, and their A/C was on so hard that I think it actually caused winter to happen.

JanB said...

Austin, your posts are ALWAYS good...even the random ones.