Jan 25, 2008

Do You REALLY Want to Know?

If you do, then try this.
If not, you can take the blue pill.

Since the dawn of mankind, we have asked certain questions. Why am I here? Does life have a purpose? Is there a God? Who am I? Why was Star Trek canceled? Why were the new Star Wars movies so bad? Why did that chicken REALLY cross the road?

And now, I have the answers.
You are here, because if you weren't, you'd be there. Yes, life has a purpose. Yes, of course there's a God. You are you. Because it was a lousy show. George Lucas. The chicken didn't cross the road. It's not smart enough to have a reason, it just did. The same reason kids eat Apple Jacks, even though they don't taste like apples: They're made of 100% sugar. I mean, they eat what they like!

A British man I was speaking to had to leave. So he said "Top Drawer! Cheerio!" Not to be outdone, I naturally countered with "Office Chair! Raisin Bran!" Those English. Bad teeth and bad breath. Weird spelling. Driving on the wrong side of the road. Unattractive twits thinking they're better than the rest of the world, when their accomplishments are solely credited to their ancestors. Like a nation of well-mannered Paris Hiltons.
(Can't blame them for the teeth and breath too much. English Cuisine, in more polite circles, is known as: "The-only-cuisine-worse-than-French- cuisine.")

I might as well tell you why I'm doing this entry. One, I'm very bored. Two, I love that picture! (Thanks, flickr! and thanks, Ammon, for introducing me to flickr. -How do you introduce someone to a website? Austin, this is flickr, flickr, this is Austin. Mingle. --How do you recognize an island? Hey! Wait, don't tell me. Didn't we meet last year at the Fineman Bar Mitzvah? You look a LOT like Hawaii! Didn't we meet last year at the Peninsula Club?) Three, I get to announce a NEW BLOG!!!!!

Since we're both such creative, brilliant sorts, Tracie and I have decided to make a new blog! It's going to be only fiction and writing by one, the other, or both of us.

We weren't sure of the name, possible ideas were: Fiction Forum, Fun Fiction, Farty Fiction, Fictitious Farts, Austin's Anecdotes & Tracie's Tales, Sundry Stories, Slutty Stories, Slappy Stories, Tall Stories, Biscuits, T&A, and What are You Lookin' At?

We finally decided (on Tracie's suggestion) that we call it 1 million reasons why Austin is the greatest! OK, fine. That one was my idea also. We are calling it Glass of Random. Why? Well, it's very significant to us. We'll probably say why on the new blog! Ooh! A cliffhanger! I love it!

I'm so excited, and I hope you are too! Now, before you start crying and screaming and making suicide threats or worse (i.e.: watching Desperate Housewives), don't worry. Austintatious and Unadventures of Tracie will go on as planned. Phew. This is just a way for us to display our creativity, for all our readers out there (well into the billions by now, I'm sure) and work on writing projects together.

I think first I'm going to post some of the papers I've written for my English Class. Well, first, we're going to MAKE the site, but we're doing that tonight. Stay tuned. Like you wouldn't. ;)


lynette said...

Cool--You killed me with the British jabs!

Anonymous said...

Mára aurë ...did you read ALL of the chicken jokes on your link? I think my fav was J.R.R. Tolkien's "answer": The Road goes ever on and on. It can be dangerous to step out into it, for the Road that starts at your front door leads to Rivendell and wilder places, and you can easily be swept away. If you are a chicken, it can lead to BBQ.


Anonymous said...

Austin, Austin, Austin..."pill"? Mom

Austin said...

hee hee hee. No, I didn't real ALL the chicken jokes. And the blue pill joke was a gimme, but sorry if I offended anyone. (Other than my mom. Who has offended me more than anyone I know ;) I love you mama!)