Mar 14, 2008

Unwanted Magazines and a little Retraction

Lately I've been getting bizarre magazines. No, I haven't been sent Modern Ferret (yet) but I've apparently been given a subscription to Redbook and Working Mother. It says my name on the cover, so I'm curious just HOW I got set up with these. Do I LOOK like a working mother? And, if someone is using my name for things, why the heck are they having women's magazines mailed to ME? Tracie and I both agree we're glad it's not something weirder, or grosser, than some other magazines would be.
Speaking of gross things in the printed form, I talked to Tracie about American Gods, and she was telling me the "explicit" things I read about are more "common" in "books" than I'm "aware" of. She encouraged me to tell this, one-so people would know I don't read "smut", and two-so it wouldn't scare any potential readers away. It is a great book, and, while it's the most explicit book I've ever read, one should know that the runner-up would probably be John Grisham's "The Firm." I would say I'm well read, but I guess my reading has been more sheltered than I thought.

Now I'm worried people will think Tracie reads "smut." Well, she "doesn't." So "there."

And now, some quotes from Comic Book Guy:

(sigh) You may purchase this charming Hamburglar adventure. A child has already solved the jumble using crayons. The answer is 'fries'.

CBG: Yes, finally. I would like to return your quote unquote, Ultimate Belt.
Storekeeper: I see, do you have a receipt, quote unquote, sir?
CBG: I do not have a receipt, I won it as a door prize at the Star Trek convention, although I find their choice of prize highly illogical as the average Trekker has no use for a medium-sized belt.
Storekeeper: Whoa, whoa. A fat, sarcastic Star Trek fan. You must be a devil with the ladies.
CBG: Hey, I... Huh... Tha... Oh...
Storekeeper: Gee, I hate to let you down Casanova, but uh, no receipt, no return.
Bart: I'll give you four bucks for it.
CBG: Very well. I must hurry back to my comic book store, where I dispense the insults rather than absorb them.

Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.

I insist you take special care with my collection of valuable and humorous bumper stickers, particularly this one (he indicates a sticker which reads "My Other Car Is A Millennium Falcon") which was given to me by a Harrison Ford lookalike.

Stop right there. I have here the only working phaser ever built. It was fired only once, to keep William Shatner from making another album.

Come back! Those are prescription pants!

TUBBY!? (looks at stomach) Oh, yes. Tubby.

1 comment:

Jen said...

Are you sure your not a working Mother? That is tooooooo funny. Your so funny. Thanks for a good laugh today!